Pragmatics is so NOT my son's strong suit. Expressive language & pragmatics are two areas where he is seriously lagging. It is almost funny when he tells a joke. He laughs because he knows it's supposed to be funny but literal boy doesn't get the joke. Sometimes it's not worth explaining.
We went to an event where Chick-fil-a had a booth. They gave my son a miniature of their cow mascot. The cow holds a sign that says "Eat More Chikin". So the conversation goes like this...
Blue "This cow is cute, but why is it holding a mispelled sign about chicken."
Momzilla (driving) "It's a joke Blue, but do you get it?"
Blue "Hmm, no."
Momzilla "Where does chicken come from?"
Blue "Chickens!"
Momzilla "What is made from cows?"
Blue "Milk!"
Momzilla "Cows make the milk, not milk is made from cows. Okay let's try this what is McDonalds famous for?" (thinking of the billions of burgers sold)
Blue "Chicken McNuggets"
Momzilla (okay I'll try something else) "What is BURGER King famous for?"
Blue "umm, burgers?"
Momzilla "Right! Now where do burgers come from?"
Blue "Pigs"
Momzilla "No. Pork comes from pigs, and so do some hot dogs & sausage. Try again. Where do burgers come from?"
Blue "Cows?"
Momzilla "Right! Now why do you think the cows have a sign that says "Eat More Chikin"?"
Blue "Because chicken is good."
Momzilla "Okay let's try this, if the people eat only chicken, will they have room left to eat burgers?"
Blue "I guess not."
Momzilla "So if people don't eat burgers, what will happen to the cows?"
Blue "I don't know"
Momzilla "No need for beef, no need for cows to be slaughtered. Now what would be the same kind of funny for Burger King to have a mascot?"
Blue (really excited now) "A chicken with a sign "eat more beef"!!?!"
Momzilla "Exactly! Now why is the Chick-fil-a cow funny?"
Blue "Because if you eat more chicken they won't turn cows into burgers."
Momzilla "Nice job dude."
The above conversation took about 20 minutes. He understood that the cows & chickens aren't alive when he eats beef or poultry. A few minutes later...
Blue "Hey mom?"
Momzilla "What bud?"
Blue "Do cows die when they make milk?"
Momzilla "No bud. They really make milk as mommy milk for baby cows. The extra milk is treated so humans can drink it."
Blue "Are you sure?"
(My cousin's wife is breastfeeding their 2 month old daughter so he's a bit familiar with the concept as much as a 7 year old should be. He knows he was given "Mommy Milk" when he was a baby since it was what was best for him. We still laugh how my (now late) father refused to call it breast milk, it was always Frozen Mom Milk. )
Momzilla "What does Aunt C do after she feeds the baby mom milk? "
Blue "she burps the baby"
Momzilla "Is Aunt C okay after feeding baby?"
Blue "Yes"
Momzilla "Well cows are okay after they make milk whether it's for their baby calf or for the milk factory. Just like Aunt C. Okay?"
Blue "Okay. I like my new cow. I'll call him George."
Momzilla "You know cows are girls and bulls are boys right?"
Blue "I'm still calling the cow George"
Whatever...
Friday, May 28, 2010
An epiphany of acceptance...
So Wednesday morning I woke my son up at 5:30 AM so we could prepare for the big field trip to Philadelphia. We had to be in his classroom no later than 7:15AM. It was an interesting trip, not bad, but interesting. When my son was asked to be a "storyteller" and write about the trip he had a difficult time. He got "in trouble" for this, but really they clearly don't understand my son's limitations and his lacking/lagging skills. So the worksheet got sent home. The first question was "How did you get to the field trip?" His response, "on a bus. it took a VERY long time" And then he was stumped. He was so fixated on the fact that it was a 2+ hour bus ride due to traffic that he couldn't remember anything but the rocks he saw in the gift shop. The next question was to list three things that he saw at the museum. He was stuck on the rocks. He really wanted to write that he saw rocks, but he knew that wasn't the correct answer. He wasn't able to articulate what he was 'stuck on' and why he couldn't write more. Since I went with him, his 1:1 got the day off so she couldn't prompt him. When he got home, he was clearly frustrated about this "storytelling" assignment. It's clearly out of his skill set for his Asperger's brain. At school this is interpreted as "defiant" and "oppositional", when in fact my little boy blue is just frustrated and confused. He wants to comply and conform but he just has no idea how to.
This morning I took my mom & our advocate to visit a private self-contained special education skill and learned what could be. I also received information about a nearby district's autism program. O M G my poor boy is being tortured. They clearly don't know what they are doing in his school though they all claim to have taught Asperger's kids & Autistic kids before. I was told "All Asperger's kids that I (the speaker) have worked with are compliant and respectful to authority." (On a side note I called a local autistic parents network, the person whom I spoke with was a BCABA behaviorist. I told him the above and a few other choice comments that were made at my son's IEP meeting. The poor guy had to put the phone down he was laughing so hard. He couldn't help me as their group is more for early intervention and more profoundly autistic families but referred me to another agency. He also asked me the name of my son's school district so they might offer some training and education. :) ) While the small private school was very small (about 60 total students ranging in age from 5-21), it was clearly a positive environment with well defined boundaries and most of all consistency. At home I am consistent, but flexible, many options are negotiable some are not (such as safety--no bike or scooter without a helmet). Then in talking to another close friend who's daughter stayed behind a grade, we had an epiphany. While the "toss him out of the district" was initially hard to hear, it may actually be a blessing in disguise. I taped the IEP meeting, it is entertaining and cyclical. These people have clearly never met a truly Asperger's child. My kid is often a text book Aspie. He has social deficits. He has serious issues with pragmatic language, expressive language, and reciprocal communication. He is very bright and when in the proper environment he clearly excels academically. He is a wonderful reader.
So back to my friend, her daughter repeated K. She said that aside from my son (who in K only spoke through her daughter, occasionally directly to the teacher), her daughter really didn't have any friends their class. Leaving her behind was a great choice, and now though older than her classmates she has several good friends. I thought and noticed that my son is better friends with 1st graders & 3rd graders than he is with his peers in 2nd grade. Sure their "friendly" but they are not friends. He has plenty of friends from camp, swimming, Cub Scouts & baseball that are 2nd graders. So it seems there might be something in the water that affects his class. They are a, well, unique lot.
While I think the small private school would be appropriate for him, I think a larger environment (like the neighboring district) with more opportunity for inclusion with his non-disabled peers would be better. If the potential for interaction with non-disabled peers is not available, than the small private school is a much better choice than his current school. It seems that his current school has already made up their mind about him. They refuse to listen to scientific reasoning or reports from actual board certified experts. They'd rather listen to a "case manager' who "took a class in ABA, once" as their defined expert. (it has been confirmed that there are MANY other parents who have serious issues with this 'case manager')
I think the best decision I can make for my son is to get him out of his current toxic environment & into a structured, loving environment. Being Honest Mom, I discussed this with my son. He's been thinking about it, his biggest worry was missing out on the after school sports program that starts in 3rd grade. (Not an issue thanks to the IDEA). He then asked me "what if I like the new school, do I HAVE to go back to my (current) school?" I just smiled and said one step at a time. It made my decision easier as clearly my son knows that he deserves to be treated better.
So now my big decisions are: 1. WHICH school is a better choice than where Blue is now? 2. Fight over ESY. Up until now the big push was for ESY OT and social skills (via camp). As of the last IEP meeting (which I taped) camp was no longer an option. They wanted ESY at the new school so that Blue "could acclimate and easily transition to his class in the fall." Horse poop! He's got a filled summer schedule with a variety of activities. He has NEVER regressed in academics except for first grade math and that regression occurred DURING the school year, not break, because of a crappy teacher. He is at or above grade level for reading & language arts. They don't do social skills in ESY. But he is going to scout & sport camps this summer with kids he is appropriately social with. So I'll be fighting against this issue. I have no intention in signing the release of records until I am ready, to which the nasty 'case manager' replies that "I am holding up the process." Well criminy you make this "team decision" without me in the fist week of May. Spring it on me the second week of May (having not investigated ANY schools). Then the last week of May threaten me with 'legal action' because now you have two schools that I have never heard of and want me to give you carte blanche with my son's records. Ah no! Quite frankly lady, I don't trust you!
I'm going to go with my gut feelings on the school selection.
My main "concern" is that the parents are a bunch of gossip mongers. So are staff. Staff are prohibited by Federal Law to release information about my child's placement without my consent. I don't have to worry about my son saying anything. But what would be a good response to the parents (and students) when they realize my son is not returning. Of course this isn't until fall... he sees a couple of the boys in outside activities (and one is a total nag for information). My current practice conversation..
Nosy Parent... "So Little Johnny has told me that Little Boy Blue didn't come back to the 3rd grade class, what happened?"
Momzilla..."it is what it is"
Nosy Parent..."???"
(hopefully they'll get the clue that it isn't any of their gosh darn business and I have nothing to say.)
So what do you think?
This morning I took my mom & our advocate to visit a private self-contained special education skill and learned what could be. I also received information about a nearby district's autism program. O M G my poor boy is being tortured. They clearly don't know what they are doing in his school though they all claim to have taught Asperger's kids & Autistic kids before. I was told "All Asperger's kids that I (the speaker) have worked with are compliant and respectful to authority." (On a side note I called a local autistic parents network, the person whom I spoke with was a BCABA behaviorist. I told him the above and a few other choice comments that were made at my son's IEP meeting. The poor guy had to put the phone down he was laughing so hard. He couldn't help me as their group is more for early intervention and more profoundly autistic families but referred me to another agency. He also asked me the name of my son's school district so they might offer some training and education. :) ) While the small private school was very small (about 60 total students ranging in age from 5-21), it was clearly a positive environment with well defined boundaries and most of all consistency. At home I am consistent, but flexible, many options are negotiable some are not (such as safety--no bike or scooter without a helmet). Then in talking to another close friend who's daughter stayed behind a grade, we had an epiphany. While the "toss him out of the district" was initially hard to hear, it may actually be a blessing in disguise. I taped the IEP meeting, it is entertaining and cyclical. These people have clearly never met a truly Asperger's child. My kid is often a text book Aspie. He has social deficits. He has serious issues with pragmatic language, expressive language, and reciprocal communication. He is very bright and when in the proper environment he clearly excels academically. He is a wonderful reader.
So back to my friend, her daughter repeated K. She said that aside from my son (who in K only spoke through her daughter, occasionally directly to the teacher), her daughter really didn't have any friends their class. Leaving her behind was a great choice, and now though older than her classmates she has several good friends. I thought and noticed that my son is better friends with 1st graders & 3rd graders than he is with his peers in 2nd grade. Sure their "friendly" but they are not friends. He has plenty of friends from camp, swimming, Cub Scouts & baseball that are 2nd graders. So it seems there might be something in the water that affects his class. They are a, well, unique lot.
While I think the small private school would be appropriate for him, I think a larger environment (like the neighboring district) with more opportunity for inclusion with his non-disabled peers would be better. If the potential for interaction with non-disabled peers is not available, than the small private school is a much better choice than his current school. It seems that his current school has already made up their mind about him. They refuse to listen to scientific reasoning or reports from actual board certified experts. They'd rather listen to a "case manager' who "took a class in ABA, once" as their defined expert. (it has been confirmed that there are MANY other parents who have serious issues with this 'case manager')
I think the best decision I can make for my son is to get him out of his current toxic environment & into a structured, loving environment. Being Honest Mom, I discussed this with my son. He's been thinking about it, his biggest worry was missing out on the after school sports program that starts in 3rd grade. (Not an issue thanks to the IDEA). He then asked me "what if I like the new school, do I HAVE to go back to my (current) school?" I just smiled and said one step at a time. It made my decision easier as clearly my son knows that he deserves to be treated better.
So now my big decisions are: 1. WHICH school is a better choice than where Blue is now? 2. Fight over ESY. Up until now the big push was for ESY OT and social skills (via camp). As of the last IEP meeting (which I taped) camp was no longer an option. They wanted ESY at the new school so that Blue "could acclimate and easily transition to his class in the fall." Horse poop! He's got a filled summer schedule with a variety of activities. He has NEVER regressed in academics except for first grade math and that regression occurred DURING the school year, not break, because of a crappy teacher. He is at or above grade level for reading & language arts. They don't do social skills in ESY. But he is going to scout & sport camps this summer with kids he is appropriately social with. So I'll be fighting against this issue. I have no intention in signing the release of records until I am ready, to which the nasty 'case manager' replies that "I am holding up the process." Well criminy you make this "team decision" without me in the fist week of May. Spring it on me the second week of May (having not investigated ANY schools). Then the last week of May threaten me with 'legal action' because now you have two schools that I have never heard of and want me to give you carte blanche with my son's records. Ah no! Quite frankly lady, I don't trust you!
I'm going to go with my gut feelings on the school selection.
My main "concern" is that the parents are a bunch of gossip mongers. So are staff. Staff are prohibited by Federal Law to release information about my child's placement without my consent. I don't have to worry about my son saying anything. But what would be a good response to the parents (and students) when they realize my son is not returning. Of course this isn't until fall... he sees a couple of the boys in outside activities (and one is a total nag for information). My current practice conversation..
Nosy Parent... "So Little Johnny has told me that Little Boy Blue didn't come back to the 3rd grade class, what happened?"
Momzilla..."it is what it is"
Nosy Parent..."???"
(hopefully they'll get the clue that it isn't any of their gosh darn business and I have nothing to say.)
So what do you think?
Saturday, May 15, 2010
My son and glasses & contacts...
My son wants glasses. He wants glasses badly. He has wanted glasses since he was 3 or 4. When he was 2 he wore glasses in an attempt to correct his strabismus (lazy eye). He was pretty good at wearing them. He wore them for about a year. He had surgery just before his 4th birthday and the glasses were no longer needed.
Since then he has borrowed my glasses, my late father's reading glasses, my mom's glasses, punched out sunglasses, and any other pair of glasses this child could get his hand on. He tried telling me he couldn't read well and needed glasses. I had him tested. Then I asked him why he thought he needed glasses. He said when his eyes were closed he couldn't see the words. I felt like a dope for taking him to the eye doctor, especially since his vision post surgery was 20/10. But I gave him the benefit of the doubt. His last visit to the eye doctor was in March. He did his best at all the different diagnostic tests. "Mom, do you think he'll finally give me glasses?" "I don't know, Blue, we'll just have to see what the doctor says. But please do your best and we'll see." "Well, Mommy you wear glasses, Ama wears glasses, Grumpa needed glasses, so do you think I will need glasses." "Well Blue, I was about your age when I first needed glasses. But Aunt Roo was much older. Let's just wait for the doctor." We went together. I needed new contacts. Wearing my glasses is starting to inhibit certain activities in life, so I wanted to try contacts again.
Blue saw the doctor first. He was excited. The doctor showed him a picture of his retina. He was even more excited. But alas, his vision was as perfect as ever. His eye is turning a bit again and he is showing signs of eye allergies. But he doesn't need glasses. He was a little disappointed, but the picture of his retina helped. He thought that was pretty cool. Then it was my turn.
Blue waited patiently. He was intrigued by all the equipment the optometrist used. He wanted to know if he looked as silly as I did with the equipment in front of my face.
The assistant came and brought me the contacts to try on. Blue was intrigued. "Those look cool! What are you going to do with them." "Well I am going to pry open my eye and stick them on my eyeball." His eyes widened. (It's been at least 2 or 3 years since I wore contacts so Blue doesn't really remember too well. But he never watched me put them in before.) "That. Is. So. Cool. Can I watch?" Sure. "They look like little bowls. Is that the shape of your eyeball?" "Yes" "Wow."
Later that night I was getting ready to take out my contacts and put my glasses back on. "What are you doing?" "Taking out my contacts and cleaning them." "You have to take them off." "Well I don't want them to stick to my eyeball forever or get an infection." "Cool. Can I watch?" "Sure." "They look like little bowls. Can I touch it?" "Sorry dude, your hands aren't too clean." "Please Mom! I'll be careful." "Sorry. But when I have to change the lenses at the end of the month you can play with my old ones." "Promise? That. Would. Be. So. Cool. Promise?" "Sure, Blue. I'd just throw them out anyway." "Why are you rubbing them?" "To clean them." "You mean like to get eye boogers off?" "Something like that." "Cool. Now what?" "I put them in this clean case with solution to kill the germs." "Kill the germs? Cool." And so it went each night. Until it was the next month. "Hey Mom, are you getting new contacts today." (For certain things he is really good at remembering dates. Like his birthday.) "Yes I am." "Did you remember?" "Remember what Blue?" "You said I could play with the old contacts. You promised." "Sure dude but promise me one thing, you won't put them on your eyeballs." "I can't?" "No, just like you can't see through Mommy's glasses, you won't be able to see through these contacts. Besides it's gross." "But I can do anything else with them, right?" "Except try and put them on the dog's eyeballs. Dogs don't need glasses or contacts." Big sigh. "Okay." So out came my old contacts. At first he didn't want them as he thought they felt slimy. Then he dropped one and had fun with the flashlight trying to find it. "Hey Mom, if you ever lose a contact, let me know. I can find it with the flashlight." "Sure Blue, whatever you say." "These are really cool. They look like bowls. And they fit on my fingers." He then proceeded to make a face out of his hand. Complete with my old contacts as eyeballs.
He's already asking when I'm going to change my lenses as he has "plans" for the next pair.
Since then he has borrowed my glasses, my late father's reading glasses, my mom's glasses, punched out sunglasses, and any other pair of glasses this child could get his hand on. He tried telling me he couldn't read well and needed glasses. I had him tested. Then I asked him why he thought he needed glasses. He said when his eyes were closed he couldn't see the words. I felt like a dope for taking him to the eye doctor, especially since his vision post surgery was 20/10. But I gave him the benefit of the doubt. His last visit to the eye doctor was in March. He did his best at all the different diagnostic tests. "Mom, do you think he'll finally give me glasses?" "I don't know, Blue, we'll just have to see what the doctor says. But please do your best and we'll see." "Well, Mommy you wear glasses, Ama wears glasses, Grumpa needed glasses, so do you think I will need glasses." "Well Blue, I was about your age when I first needed glasses. But Aunt Roo was much older. Let's just wait for the doctor." We went together. I needed new contacts. Wearing my glasses is starting to inhibit certain activities in life, so I wanted to try contacts again.
Blue saw the doctor first. He was excited. The doctor showed him a picture of his retina. He was even more excited. But alas, his vision was as perfect as ever. His eye is turning a bit again and he is showing signs of eye allergies. But he doesn't need glasses. He was a little disappointed, but the picture of his retina helped. He thought that was pretty cool. Then it was my turn.
Blue waited patiently. He was intrigued by all the equipment the optometrist used. He wanted to know if he looked as silly as I did with the equipment in front of my face.
The assistant came and brought me the contacts to try on. Blue was intrigued. "Those look cool! What are you going to do with them." "Well I am going to pry open my eye and stick them on my eyeball." His eyes widened. (It's been at least 2 or 3 years since I wore contacts so Blue doesn't really remember too well. But he never watched me put them in before.) "That. Is. So. Cool. Can I watch?" Sure. "They look like little bowls. Is that the shape of your eyeball?" "Yes" "Wow."
Later that night I was getting ready to take out my contacts and put my glasses back on. "What are you doing?" "Taking out my contacts and cleaning them." "You have to take them off." "Well I don't want them to stick to my eyeball forever or get an infection." "Cool. Can I watch?" "Sure." "They look like little bowls. Can I touch it?" "Sorry dude, your hands aren't too clean." "Please Mom! I'll be careful." "Sorry. But when I have to change the lenses at the end of the month you can play with my old ones." "Promise? That. Would. Be. So. Cool. Promise?" "Sure, Blue. I'd just throw them out anyway." "Why are you rubbing them?" "To clean them." "You mean like to get eye boogers off?" "Something like that." "Cool. Now what?" "I put them in this clean case with solution to kill the germs." "Kill the germs? Cool." And so it went each night. Until it was the next month. "Hey Mom, are you getting new contacts today." (For certain things he is really good at remembering dates. Like his birthday.) "Yes I am." "Did you remember?" "Remember what Blue?" "You said I could play with the old contacts. You promised." "Sure dude but promise me one thing, you won't put them on your eyeballs." "I can't?" "No, just like you can't see through Mommy's glasses, you won't be able to see through these contacts. Besides it's gross." "But I can do anything else with them, right?" "Except try and put them on the dog's eyeballs. Dogs don't need glasses or contacts." Big sigh. "Okay." So out came my old contacts. At first he didn't want them as he thought they felt slimy. Then he dropped one and had fun with the flashlight trying to find it. "Hey Mom, if you ever lose a contact, let me know. I can find it with the flashlight." "Sure Blue, whatever you say." "These are really cool. They look like bowls. And they fit on my fingers." He then proceeded to make a face out of his hand. Complete with my old contacts as eyeballs.
He's already asking when I'm going to change my lenses as he has "plans" for the next pair.
Why can't you find what is in front of your face?
Dear Blue,
It is exremely frustrating that you cannot find what you need especially when it is right in front of your face. Where are you shoes? I dunno. They are on your feet.
But walk in the woods and you can find a sedimentary rock 15 yards ahead sticking out of the grass. Sitting out at night, you can find a shooting star hundreds of thousands of miles away, but you don't see the chair in front of you that you are about to trip over.
You are special. But some times you frustrate me. I will always love you, forever and a day.
Love,
Mom
PS. Now please find your 'cup' so we can leave for baseball practice! I know for certain it is exactly where you put it the other day!
It is exremely frustrating that you cannot find what you need especially when it is right in front of your face. Where are you shoes? I dunno. They are on your feet.
But walk in the woods and you can find a sedimentary rock 15 yards ahead sticking out of the grass. Sitting out at night, you can find a shooting star hundreds of thousands of miles away, but you don't see the chair in front of you that you are about to trip over.
You are special. But some times you frustrate me. I will always love you, forever and a day.
Love,
Mom
PS. Now please find your 'cup' so we can leave for baseball practice! I know for certain it is exactly where you put it the other day!
Friday, May 14, 2010
I think I know what I want to be when I grow up...
Growing up I had many dreams. I wanted to be a marine biologist. I wanted to be a mad scientist. I wanted to be a chemist. I wanted to be a vet. I wanted to be a doctor. I wanted to be a mom. I wanted to teach. I wanted to be a special events coordinator.
My sister is a nurse. She has her RN/NP Master's degree. She's an important nurse. Even went to Chicago to help decide what should be in the next national nursing license exams.Since she was born she wanted to be a nurse. Being 15 months older, we were close. I was right before her in school. "Oh you're Gina's Sister" followed her until we moved.
The years I worked as an EMT/ER tech I was encouraged to go into nursing. My sister was finishing up her BSN & then her MSN at the time. "Oh no, not me that's my sister's thing. She's going to be a great nurse." I would say. I was told, "but you'd be a great nurse too. You have natural ability." I'd just smile and walk away.
I was told that I should be a nurse many times as I worked various jobs.
Then my job was eliminated. Unemployment rots, but an opportunity arose. I have been given the chance to attend nursing school. It's an LPN program, but it's a great nursing program. I took my entrance exam yesterday. I know I did well. The director said the acceptance letters will be sent out next week.
I started to tell others about my current opportunity. What did others say, "Oh, I thought you already WERE a nurse. You just seem like you would be a nurse." I guess this is the right choice for me.
(My sister still doesn't know. I will tell her when I speak with her next, AFTER I get the acceptance letter. Things have changed a lot since we were little. We have grown and it's okay to want the same things. Things have gotten better now that she has children of her own. (Though I think she may have been jealous that I was the first to have a child, even though I am the oldest. She now has 3 of her own.) I think she'll be happy for me. She knows all the good nursing programs around. It's her thing. She's now an award winning nurse educator in one of the best nursing programs in her state. )
My sister is a nurse. She has her RN/NP Master's degree. She's an important nurse. Even went to Chicago to help decide what should be in the next national nursing license exams.Since she was born she wanted to be a nurse. Being 15 months older, we were close. I was right before her in school. "Oh you're Gina's Sister" followed her until we moved.
The years I worked as an EMT/ER tech I was encouraged to go into nursing. My sister was finishing up her BSN & then her MSN at the time. "Oh no, not me that's my sister's thing. She's going to be a great nurse." I would say. I was told, "but you'd be a great nurse too. You have natural ability." I'd just smile and walk away.
I was told that I should be a nurse many times as I worked various jobs.
Then my job was eliminated. Unemployment rots, but an opportunity arose. I have been given the chance to attend nursing school. It's an LPN program, but it's a great nursing program. I took my entrance exam yesterday. I know I did well. The director said the acceptance letters will be sent out next week.
I started to tell others about my current opportunity. What did others say, "Oh, I thought you already WERE a nurse. You just seem like you would be a nurse." I guess this is the right choice for me.
(My sister still doesn't know. I will tell her when I speak with her next, AFTER I get the acceptance letter. Things have changed a lot since we were little. We have grown and it's okay to want the same things. Things have gotten better now that she has children of her own. (Though I think she may have been jealous that I was the first to have a child, even though I am the oldest. She now has 3 of her own.) I think she'll be happy for me. She knows all the good nursing programs around. It's her thing. She's now an award winning nurse educator in one of the best nursing programs in her state.
Sometimes small schools just suck...
They don't feel that they can offer my son the services he needs. (They are not consistent & they HAVE NOT TRIED EVERYTHING AS THEY CLAIM). So I was ambushed at his annual meeting, after reviewing the OT & ST goals, I am told that "We" have decided that your child needs to be sent out of district to a behavior deviant/disturbance classroom. (*$&#*(& no. I said that there is no way in hades I will ever agree. She implied taking it to court. My answer, Go Ahead. Make sure you spell my name right. I'd love to challenge your own reports in a public forum.
Just so you understand, I don't have a problem with the school. His regular ed teacher is trying, but isn't given the tools or training that she needs to work appropriately with an autistic son. His actions (such as tapping a pencil) are sensory, not defiant. The IEP team case manager LOVES to use the words "oppositional" and "defiant" when it comes to my son. She poisons the rest of the team before the meeting. Mind you my son does not meet the clinical definition of oppositional or defiant. Would you like to know my son's big "behavior issues"? Sure you would.
He shuts down. (He's overloaded obviously) He ignores them. Then if they push him, he turns his back to them. They don't like this. THIS LITTLE BOY HAS AN AUTISM SPECTRUM DISORDER AS CONFIRMED BY THREE SEPARATE MEDICAL DOCTORS. When he shuts down he is non functional, and then his classwork does not get done. Their solution? Give him detention or exclude him from extra classes (like gym, recess or library time) to force him into compliance.
His big "anger issue" this week was in gym class. A sure source of overstimulation. Son was following rules of the game they were playing. Child gets in son's face. Son steps back and puts up his hand to say "stop" you're in my space. Child walks into son's hand (he was advancing back into my son's "personal space"). Who gets in trouble? My son. Jeez. Another "anger issue" time he was not having a good morning. They kept pushing. He went under the desk in a near fetal position. He's touch sensitive. 1:1 goes to physically move my son from the resource room.
Even funnier, I was sent a note by his 1:1 that she is starting Dr. Green's Collaborative Problem Solving with him. She claims to have read the book, but there is no way she comprehended it. She tries to use CPS when he has shut down. Lady, the kid is nonverbal at that point, he is stressed & overloaded can you think like that and/or even comprehend what is being said to you? I attended a seminar on CPS this past week. I am proud to say that this what I have successfully doing at home with my son for months now. How can you use a technique when you clearly don't comprehend the technique?!? For information on CPS go to : http://www.livesinthebalance.org/
The "Case Manager" is a wanna be psychologist but is not eligible for certification or licensure. She claims to be "trained" in ABA & autism. She is my problem.
So I meet some mom's who have different issues with their kids but they can truly understand my frustration to tears. I am given the name of a former special ed teacher turned advocate. Also find out the state parent advocacy network has a rep (family service worker) in a local office. So the Family Service Worker is now reviewing his IEP with a fine toothed comb. The advocate and I meet next week. Even better, my son was there with me. Each person that heard my story asked if Little Boy Blue is my "other child", I replied no this is the child they claim has a "behavior problem". Then they ask "are they serious in your school?" One mom who's child is emotionally and behaviorally disturbed, has IED, ODD, and ADD said that a child with a behavior disturbance would not be able to sit so calmly and politely while being so bored & tired. (At least EVERYONE ELSE sees what I see in my child. (If you are curious I see a good boy who lacks in several skill areas, has a bunch of quirks but most of all has OODLES of POTENTIAL)
Best news of today? It turns out that the advocate has been battling with my son's case manager on behalf of another family for nearly a year. She is very familiar with her deficits & tactics. So can't wait for the meeting on May 24th to see the look on the case mangers face when I walk in with this advocate (and my tape recorder).
Go Momzilla! I don't think she has any idea of what resources I have and that she won't be able to bully me into submission, worse yet that I will permit a grossly inappropriate placement for my child. There is no way on this earth I will let you destroy my son's potential. For Pete's sake he is SEVEN YEARS OLD.
Just so you understand, I don't have a problem with the school. His regular ed teacher is trying, but isn't given the tools or training that she needs to work appropriately with an autistic son. His actions (such as tapping a pencil) are sensory, not defiant. The IEP team case manager LOVES to use the words "oppositional" and "defiant" when it comes to my son. She poisons the rest of the team before the meeting. Mind you my son does not meet the clinical definition of oppositional or defiant. Would you like to know my son's big "behavior issues"? Sure you would.
He shuts down. (He's overloaded obviously) He ignores them. Then if they push him, he turns his back to them. They don't like this. THIS LITTLE BOY HAS AN AUTISM SPECTRUM DISORDER AS CONFIRMED BY THREE SEPARATE MEDICAL DOCTORS. When he shuts down he is non functional, and then his classwork does not get done. Their solution? Give him detention or exclude him from extra classes (like gym, recess or library time) to force him into compliance.
His big "anger issue" this week was in gym class. A sure source of overstimulation. Son was following rules of the game they were playing. Child gets in son's face. Son steps back and puts up his hand to say "stop" you're in my space. Child walks into son's hand (he was advancing back into my son's "personal space"). Who gets in trouble? My son. Jeez. Another "anger issue" time he was not having a good morning. They kept pushing. He went under the desk in a near fetal position. He's touch sensitive. 1:1 goes to physically move my son from the resource room.
Even funnier, I was sent a note by his 1:1 that she is starting Dr. Green's Collaborative Problem Solving with him. She claims to have read the book, but there is no way she comprehended it. She tries to use CPS when he has shut down. Lady, the kid is nonverbal at that point, he is stressed & overloaded can you think like that and/or even comprehend what is being said to you? I attended a seminar on CPS this past week. I am proud to say that this what I have successfully doing at home with my son for months now. How can you use a technique when you clearly don't comprehend the technique?!? For information on CPS go to : http://www.livesinthebalance.org/
The "Case Manager" is a wanna be psychologist but is not eligible for certification or licensure. She claims to be "trained" in ABA & autism. She is my problem.
So I meet some mom's who have different issues with their kids but they can truly understand my frustration to tears. I am given the name of a former special ed teacher turned advocate. Also find out the state parent advocacy network has a rep (family service worker) in a local office. So the Family Service Worker is now reviewing his IEP with a fine toothed comb. The advocate and I meet next week. Even better, my son was there with me. Each person that heard my story asked if Little Boy Blue is my "other child", I replied no this is the child they claim has a "behavior problem". Then they ask "are they serious in your school?" One mom who's child is emotionally and behaviorally disturbed, has IED, ODD, and ADD said that a child with a behavior disturbance would not be able to sit so calmly and politely while being so bored & tired. (At least EVERYONE ELSE sees what I see in my child. (If you are curious I see a good boy who lacks in several skill areas, has a bunch of quirks but most of all has OODLES of POTENTIAL)
Best news of today? It turns out that the advocate has been battling with my son's case manager on behalf of another family for nearly a year. She is very familiar with her deficits & tactics. So can't wait for the meeting on May 24th to see the look on the case mangers face when I walk in with this advocate (and my tape recorder).
Go Momzilla! I don't think she has any idea of what resources I have and that she won't be able to bully me into submission, worse yet that I will permit a grossly inappropriate placement for my child. There is no way on this earth I will let you destroy my son's potential. For Pete's sake he is SEVEN YEARS OLD.
Mother's Day and Cards from my Asperger's Son
Now when my son was in day care/preschool at Thanksgiving they had the children "write" what they were thankful for. What did my son "write".
2 yr old: "I am thankful for Mommy"
3 yrs old "I am thankful for Ama" (My mother/his grandmother)
4 yrs old "I am thankful for Elmo" (nice to know where I stand next to a juvenile furry red muppet who refers to "himself" in the third person!)
So this year in computer class, my son created two "projects"
The first was a picture, "If you could give your mom something just form you what would it be?" Now what do you think my son said? Money? Diamonds? (though that was a chance as he LOVES rocks) Flowers? Nope. My son would give me brownies. He knows me well. :) He used KidPics to draw a picture of his "gift". It looked like turds on a plate. But they were brownie turds FOR ME!
The second a card "Dear Mom, I like your eggs and your brownies. And I love you. Happy Mother's Day! Love (LittleBoyBlue)"
Now I don't know what the other kids wrote to their moms, but I'll take his literal truth ANY DAY OF THE WEEK. He loves to scramble eggs with me. And he does prefer my eggs over my mom's eggs. My mom uses egg beaters & Pam. I use REAL eggs, REAL butter and he gets to grind the salt & pepper into the egg mix. I also let him crack the eggs (for a 7 year old with fine motor skills deficits he really is pretty good).
I hope you had an awesome mother's day. Mine was surreal. But to understand you need to know about the rest of the weekend.
Friday night I watched my son play baseball IN THE COLD (what we won't do for our children). Even though it was cold & windy, they decided to extend the play time to get the third inning in, so instead of ending at 7:30 they played until 8:15. Then we got up at 5:30 Saturday morning to pack (so I'm a little last minute) for his first Cub Scout camping trip. My mom called 3x to check on us, as she agreed to keep the dogs overnight & she wanted to spend "some quality time" with the dogs before she had to go to work. Just before 7:30 I get a text from his Cub Scout den leader. "Did u leave yet? If not call me, we forgot stuff"
After loading our gear, and the dogs (one cage crooked but I think she liked it that way) into my tiny Chevy Aveo, at 7:35 to pick up what was forgotten (mind you they already had breakfast at the camp site) 2 gallons of milk, 2 half gallons of OJ, and a tub of butter. And he thinks I am forgetful! (For the record I didn't forget anything for this trip. In fact we had MORE than we needed)
The rest of my Saturday:
1. Arrive at campsite.
2. find out there is no where for us to sleep (yet) aside from a leaky tent
3. Hike 1 1/2 miles to fishing spot. Put worm on son's hook (He doesn't like to touch slimy things)
4. Hike 1 1/2 miles back to campsite to unload SUV that had the overload of groceries.
5. Cook lunch for the two dens who camped.
6. Have an interesting conversation with two school board members about the history of our little town, issues in education, who should not be in education, etc. Son takes off fishing with his leader.
7. Hike 5+ miles to help with forest clean up project. With 11 energetic 6-8 year olds.
8. Help clean up the beach, with gale force winds blowing the mess back where we cleaned it from.
9. Hike 5+ miles back to campsite.
10. Come up with alternate dinner plans as we cannot have a campfire due to gale force winds. (Thank goodness we brought propane camp stoves). 30+ years of Girl Scouting served me well. We made stone stew (in otherwords, chopped everything up, threw it in a big pot and hoped for the best) It was really good!
11. Watch the other boys feign death at the thought of eating vegetables. Son eats 1/2 his stone stew before realizing that the other boys decided to have hot dogs. Since he tried the stew he was permitted to have one. He actually walked up to the dads he didn't know and asked for help making a hot dog. (Mom is duly impressed).
12. Help clean up. Stand with 7 grown men as we brainstorm how to get the burned food out of the large pot. Decide to put water in the pot with soap and set it to boil. It bubbles up really cool. turn it off. We all look at each other and say "Let's do it again". Since we are the ones in charge, we did.
13. Take son for a shower. After hiking the 1/2 mile back to camp, encounter one of the other parents. One of Blue's friends has scared the others so bad that he locked himself in the car and is demanding to go home.
14. Get back to campsite to find out the real story. Friend has an older brother (who was camping but left because the pollen was too much), older brother told him stories about the Jersey Devil. After all we were camping in the Pine Barrens. (For details on the Jersey Devil see here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jersey_Devil ) It gets dark, someone says it must be the Jersey Devil and that's it.
15. Four other campers, leave that night. Part homesickness, part they scared themselves silly. And then there were four. For experienced campers, and my son the first timer.
16. Now we have a Lean-To to sleep in. I didn't bring a sleeping pad. It was a hard wood floor. It was really cold & windy. Son snored, I didn't sleep a wink. So guess who I made wake up at 6AM to clean up & pack our gear. LittleBoyBlue
17. As we cleaned up the campsite with the remaining Cubs & dads, Little Boy Blue was congratulated on surviving the night. They thought for sure he'd have left the night before. (Apparently I was the only mom with enough guts, skills or maybe stupidity to stick around). When the leader asked my son why he didn't get scared of the 'Jersey Devil sighting', he said "Well if it was true, my mom would have told me about it. Since she didn't tell me, I figured the other boys just made it up to scare everyone." I love my son. But heck it's true, I do tell him the truth about what to expect. Freaks out doctors when they have to give him a shot, he wants to watch.
18. So I drove to my mom's house to get the dogs with one of the BIGGEST HEADACHES OF MY LIFE. She was out with her own mom & sister and my son wanted to see her. I passed out on the couch.
So my Mother's Day was spent on the couch at my mom's house, trying to sleep as my son sat on my hip and watched Cartoon Network's Scooby Doo Mother's Day Marathon.
I've been trying to catch up sleep all week. (not successfully though)
2 yr old: "I am thankful for Mommy"
3 yrs old "I am thankful for Ama" (My mother/his grandmother)
4 yrs old "I am thankful for Elmo" (nice to know where I stand next to a juvenile furry red muppet who refers to "himself" in the third person!)
So this year in computer class, my son created two "projects"
The first was a picture, "If you could give your mom something just form you what would it be?" Now what do you think my son said? Money? Diamonds? (though that was a chance as he LOVES rocks) Flowers? Nope. My son would give me brownies. He knows me well. :) He used KidPics to draw a picture of his "gift". It looked like turds on a plate. But they were brownie turds FOR ME!
The second a card "Dear Mom, I like your eggs and your brownies. And I love you. Happy Mother's Day! Love (LittleBoyBlue)"
Now I don't know what the other kids wrote to their moms, but I'll take his literal truth ANY DAY OF THE WEEK. He loves to scramble eggs with me. And he does prefer my eggs over my mom's eggs. My mom uses egg beaters & Pam. I use REAL eggs, REAL butter and he gets to grind the salt & pepper into the egg mix. I also let him crack the eggs (for a 7 year old with fine motor skills deficits he really is pretty good).
I hope you had an awesome mother's day. Mine was surreal. But to understand you need to know about the rest of the weekend.
Friday night I watched my son play baseball IN THE COLD (what we won't do for our children). Even though it was cold & windy, they decided to extend the play time to get the third inning in, so instead of ending at 7:30 they played until 8:15. Then we got up at 5:30 Saturday morning to pack (so I'm a little last minute) for his first Cub Scout camping trip. My mom called 3x to check on us, as she agreed to keep the dogs overnight & she wanted to spend "some quality time" with the dogs before she had to go to work. Just before 7:30 I get a text from his Cub Scout den leader. "Did u leave yet? If not call me, we forgot stuff"
After loading our gear, and the dogs (one cage crooked but I think she liked it that way) into my tiny Chevy Aveo, at 7:35 to pick up what was forgotten (mind you they already had breakfast at the camp site) 2 gallons of milk, 2 half gallons of OJ, and a tub of butter. And he thinks I am forgetful! (For the record I didn't forget anything for this trip. In fact we had MORE than we needed)
The rest of my Saturday:
1. Arrive at campsite.
2. find out there is no where for us to sleep (yet) aside from a leaky tent
3. Hike 1 1/2 miles to fishing spot. Put worm on son's hook (He doesn't like to touch slimy things)
4. Hike 1 1/2 miles back to campsite to unload SUV that had the overload of groceries.
5. Cook lunch for the two dens who camped.
6. Have an interesting conversation with two school board members about the history of our little town, issues in education, who should not be in education, etc. Son takes off fishing with his leader.
7. Hike 5+ miles to help with forest clean up project. With 11 energetic 6-8 year olds.
8. Help clean up the beach, with gale force winds blowing the mess back where we cleaned it from.
9. Hike 5+ miles back to campsite.
10. Come up with alternate dinner plans as we cannot have a campfire due to gale force winds. (Thank goodness we brought propane camp stoves). 30+ years of Girl Scouting served me well. We made stone stew (in otherwords, chopped everything up, threw it in a big pot and hoped for the best) It was really good!
11. Watch the other boys feign death at the thought of eating vegetables. Son eats 1/2 his stone stew before realizing that the other boys decided to have hot dogs. Since he tried the stew he was permitted to have one. He actually walked up to the dads he didn't know and asked for help making a hot dog. (Mom is duly impressed).
12. Help clean up. Stand with 7 grown men as we brainstorm how to get the burned food out of the large pot. Decide to put water in the pot with soap and set it to boil. It bubbles up really cool. turn it off. We all look at each other and say "Let's do it again". Since we are the ones in charge, we did.
13. Take son for a shower. After hiking the 1/2 mile back to camp, encounter one of the other parents. One of Blue's friends has scared the others so bad that he locked himself in the car and is demanding to go home.
14. Get back to campsite to find out the real story. Friend has an older brother (who was camping but left because the pollen was too much), older brother told him stories about the Jersey Devil. After all we were camping in the Pine Barrens. (For details on the Jersey Devil see here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jersey_Devil ) It gets dark, someone says it must be the Jersey Devil and that's it.
15. Four other campers, leave that night. Part homesickness, part they scared themselves silly. And then there were four. For experienced campers, and my son the first timer.
16. Now we have a Lean-To to sleep in. I didn't bring a sleeping pad. It was a hard wood floor. It was really cold & windy. Son snored, I didn't sleep a wink. So guess who I made wake up at 6AM to clean up & pack our gear. LittleBoyBlue
17. As we cleaned up the campsite with the remaining Cubs & dads, Little Boy Blue was congratulated on surviving the night. They thought for sure he'd have left the night before. (Apparently I was the only mom with enough guts, skills or maybe stupidity to stick around). When the leader asked my son why he didn't get scared of the 'Jersey Devil sighting', he said "Well if it was true, my mom would have told me about it. Since she didn't tell me, I figured the other boys just made it up to scare everyone." I love my son. But heck it's true, I do tell him the truth about what to expect. Freaks out doctors when they have to give him a shot, he wants to watch.
18. So I drove to my mom's house to get the dogs with one of the BIGGEST HEADACHES OF MY LIFE. She was out with her own mom & sister and my son wanted to see her. I passed out on the couch.
So my Mother's Day was spent on the couch at my mom's house, trying to sleep as my son sat on my hip and watched Cartoon Network's Scooby Doo Mother's Day Marathon.
I've been trying to catch up sleep all week. (not successfully though)
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