Underestimating intelligence of others…

 

I’ve been thinking a lot lately…but what else is new.  Our Betta fish Storm (see photo…sometimes I can take a decent pic. : 

looked like he was on his last fins earlier this year. Our resuscitation efforts were not successful. So off to the big box pet store to replace the Betta. It was “my turn” so I chose a bright blue /navy Betta fish. I had a really cool name for him, but sadly I’ve forgotten his name so we are in the process of coming up with a new name, so for now I will call him blue.   Blue fish would hide in the rock or in the plants. He’d never hang out, to the point we’d search in the tank for him to make sure he didn’t jump out thinking he could fly or breathe. (a la Bob 3 who we found about 10 minutes after his inaugural flight dried out like a piece of jerky on the tile floor. ) So as time went on, Blue started hanging out a bit more. I thought I was going nuts, but it seemed when I’d come into the kitchen (Blue is presently residing in a tank on our kitchen counter. It works well for all since he’s near the sink and so far the crazy dogs haven’t tried to jump on the counter for a closer look like the did when Storm’s tank was in the living room) he’d start swimming around like crazy. I’d give him some pellets. Sometimes he’d be snotty and refuse to eat until I removed the pellets and give him his favorite freeze dried blood worms.  But I thought it was a Pavlovian reaction to the light…seems I thought wrong.

While in nursing school, my mom would often come over and walk my dogs, feed dogs, then get my son off to school especially if I had to be at a clinical site by 6:30AM. I’d come back around noon. The dogs would feign starvation and the Puggle started to knock her bowl out of the stand to be sure I got the picture.  (Puggle would also go nuts when she heard my mom’s ring tone when she called to let me know she was on her way so I could leave.) Then dogs would hear me call my mom to check if she fed the dogs…just in case they were actually really hungry and not just nutty con artists aiming for a second meal.  As soon as they would hear, “Hi Mom, Did you…” they’d slink back to their rooms admitting defeat. 

Son will often  be on animal food duty. He usually feeds the dogs and gives Blue his breakfast too.  Son noticed a few days later that, even though he fed the fish, Blue went whacko when I came into the kitchen and kept looking like Jawz in search of prey.  Little bugger knew I was usually the one to feed him the bloodworms since although freeze dried son often won’t touch them to give the poor fish a pinch.

Seems that Blue wasn’t lacking in intelligence. He was scoping out the joint and trying to figure out which one of the giants would be more likely to give him his favorite food “upon request”.  Little stinker. However it doesn’t seem like he has much of a sense of time since he’ll do the “I’m starving give me worms dance” more than once a day sometimes.  Smart fish, he knows who will give him his favorite freeze dried blood worms and who won’t…

Another example, my Chihuahua is a bum.  Most people feel sorry for the old guy since he only has one eye, but he’ll uses that to his advantage as soon as he hears the first “awwwe”, he knows he has a chance of being carried around like the prince that he thinks he is.  My mom is the  biggest sucker of all.  Oscar would live perched in the front seat of my car for the rest of his life in the hopes of gaining a car ride if I would just let him.  So although he is usually good off leash, especially at my mom’s house, he is likely to get underfoot if he sneaks out and follows me to the car.  I was closing my hatchback when he got under me. I heard his squeal (which he does if he thinks no one is paying attention to him) as I stepped on him.  I thought for sure I broke the dog’s leg. I was distraught, ran into my mom’s house nearly in tears carrying the dog. (Not before noticing he was limping holding up his right paw). So we put him down to see if he was alright. My mom with the sing songy “aww poor puppy”. Then I noticed it, he switched to limping holding his left paw up.  The little stinker. My mom didn’t believe me. Oscar thought this was grand and let her carry him around, and snuggle on the couch. Later mom took Roxie for a walk while we got ready to leave. Boy had Oscar and was walking him in front. I wanted to see if my dog was still “hurt”, so I went to the edge of the laws and jingled my car keys.  Oscar the injured took off like a greyhound in a race, running towards me in anticipation of the highly coveted car ride…  Son and I were laughing, until we heard the screech, and the “aww poor puppy”.  Oscar stopped dead in his tracks running towards the car when he caught sight of my mother coming around the corner with Roxie. Picked up his paw and cried. Son & I burst into laughter. Of course mom didn’t believe us and picked up the bum & carried him to the car.  Smart dog, he knows who will buy his bad acting.

I’ve seen a lot of articles claiming that children on the autism spectrum (whether mild or severe) lack empathy and cognitive ability. Partially based upon the lack of or reduced communication skills. My son went for the first two weeks of 2nd grade refusing to speak in class if a particular (less than professional) aide was present.  However, in watching the interaction of children on the spectrum, verbal or not, I wonder if the assumed lack of cognitive abilities is due to the child’s failure/inability to respond to assessments that require verbal replies or that the child “looks the investigator in the eye”?  When he had his IEP evaluations, he nearly failed in speech and “psychology” because he shut down and stopped answering. Especially with one evaluator, he refused to even say “I don’t know” or “shake his head” he’s simply refuse to look at her. (She decided this was ODD/deliberate defiance/willful behavior rather than he had enough…she was recently proven 100% wrong in her assumptions.) Perhaps some of the non-verbal or limited verbal children are significantly more intelligent than the assessors decide. Perhaps these children are much smarter than us, and simply choose to not answer such banal questions that are often on the assessments.  Perhaps the child is not being challenged because it is assumed that their cognitive functioning is much lower than reality? 

I think the underestimating of a child’s abilities, especially those that are non-verbal or limited verbal, has been reduced by the introduction of technology such as using the iPad as an adjunctive communication device. It seems anyone who as bothered to watch the award winning HBO movie Temple Grandin or read any of Dr. Grandin’s books such as Thinking in Pictures, is more likely to be understanding that my Aspergarian child thinks differently (as do many other children).  Why bother teaching “learning styles” in collegiate teacher preparation programs, if the teachers are not going to ever use the knowledge to educate their students in the classroom setting?

But the underestimation in the intelligence of others is often found in the health care setting. As a new graduate nurse, I am of the philosophy that a patient with a chronic illness or condition or the parent of a child with a chronic illness or condition, is the utmost expert on that particular patient. They may know the nuances of the condition in general, but they are the expert on their circumstances and nuances.  Many in roles of healthcare authority fail to comprehend this very notion. I, as a parent, patient, or relative of a patient, will not stand for such a superior attitude and find a more realistic practitioner.  No I don’t claim to know everything (well almost) but I do know HIM. 

I experienced this same attitude  going through IEP meetings (ones where I was accused of being “manipulated” and “too positive” about my child and his needs), that since I didn’t have the correct alphabet soup after my name then my opinion doesn’t count.  Apparently the degree of M.O.M. or D.A.D. didn’t mean squat to this team, and in fact the case manager often included these feelings in statements throughout his IEP.

But things are looking up since we are out of district and the case management team has been changed effective July 1st. The new case manager believes that the parent is the expert on the child, she is the expert on services available within our region. And that is the way it should be.  Even his new teacher sent home a questionnaire, the first question was “what are his strengths”, the second “what were some of his challenges last year”. Not what did he do that was “bad” or “good”, but how can we as a team make this year even better than the last.  Now that is not underestimating the intelligence of others, and is empowering all members of the team to support the child to be the best that he can to succeed.

 

As a new nurse, I plan to give my patients & their families the benefit of the doubt. Even in clinical rotations when patient/family education was part of my duties, my first statements included “Tell me what you know.” “Tell me how I can help you.” “Tell me what works for you.” I don’t believe anyone is truly stupid, a bit dopey sometimes, maybe silly.  Everyone has intelligence, it’s just a matter of taking the time to find out what they are “expert” in.

Some things just can't be hidden...

When you first glance at my son, he appears to be a normal, neurotypical almost 8 year old boy. If you see him on the playground or in the classroom, at first he seems just like everyone else. Watch the playground for a longer period of time and you can often see some of his social deficits. Often boys play made up games, and my son can make up games with the best of them. However, often the rules change during play. While the neurotypical boys can roll with the punches, my literal, concrete, rule-boy cannot. This leads to frustration, and unfortunately sometimes tears or even anger (usually self-directed as he is frustrated that he just doesn't get it).  In the classroom, he usually doesn't get the jokes or the play on words, but he knows it's supposed to be funny so he just laughs like the rest of the class. (Similar to the why Eat Mor Chikn is funny post). 

My son has significant issues with expressive communication. While my son's buddy J can go home and tell of the day's adventures in details, I have to drag out the day's events from my son.  He's not the world's greatest storyteller either. This was painfully obvious during second grade writing journal. It was a constant battle with is 1:1 aide. Now even though his IEP clearly stated that they could & should offer alternatives for writing assignments (such as drawing pictures, cartoons or making dioramas) they never did. But they DID complain on how he would "ignore" them, not look them in the eye (well DUH! He has Apserger's Disorder--this is one of the hallmark traits of kids on the spectrum), so they decided he was refusing to work.

Oh yeah, I can't WAIT to see is 4th quarter report card. It should be an entertaining & interesting read!

Now while my son often subconsciously hides many of his Asperger's traits (he has even learned to fake looking people in their eye by looking at their chin), he absolutely cannot hide his sensory issues.

The ONE thing that the advocate observed when she did a classroom visit was his sensory issues. If he was frustrated or anxious the foot would tap or the pencil would be tapping on his desk. He would wiggle to reset his internal mechanisms. Or he'd stretch. He seemed a bit fidgety to her, but not hard to engage with the right technique. (Which reminds me why is it so awful if a child learns better through practical applications of studies or through play?  Someone please explain this enigma to me.)

He started art therapy a few weeks ago. He so loves art, that he had no reservations about going into her studio without me. In fact if his therapist & I chat for a few minutes before starting he gets anxious and antsy. When he works on his creations, he is more talkative. Still with his pragmatic deficits, and often a one sided conversation, but he'll at least attempt to express himself verbally while being creative.  But once the air conditioning kicks in, he jumps & she can see a change.  If the sun moves and the shadows change, he notices. If a loud car drives by her home (a rarity) he notices.  When she changed the seat cushion, he noticed. She changed brands of clay, and boy did he notice the change in texture. As my Mr. Touchy McToucherson loves to touch EVERYTHING, he does rather well with clay.

Now since my son seeks visual input, but has sound aversion, fireworks are always a real treat. He can't handle the noise, but loves the sparkly lights in the night sky.  He is touch seeking with his hands, but oversensitive everywhere else so ear plugs are very uncomfortable for him. (Sheesh, he has a hard time swimming the backstroke as he hates how the cool water feels in his ears. He is considering the ear plugs because he is motivated to pass to the next level) Last year's solution? We watched the NY fireworks on TV. We don't have a large screen TV but is large enough to get a decent view, and often they play music in the background. Plus instead of the loud vibrating BOOM! POW! of live fireworks, it's more of a pop & crack in TV land.

Unfortunately his "friends" have started to notice his sensory differences. And like some 7 and 8 year olds they feel obliged to comment and question. My son does not want to be different. And this has caused some power struggles in school with the resource room teacher and his 1:1 aide.  Even they forget he is different and have labeled him as difficult.

I wish I could do more to help my son. But I don't even know if what I am doing is right, never mind the fact that I know that I am doing the best that I can with the options that are available.

I don't want to change my son's neurobiology, but I wish I could help him to accept his own idiosyncrasies, perhaps his friends might be more likely to accept and embrace his differences, because after all he is more same than he is different.