Almost Wordless Wednesday...

Of course, as has become my tradition I have to add some words.  How do you get a bunch of 6-8 year olds to voluntarily clean up trails & a lakeside beach?  Why give them cool tools of course. These grabbers on a stick worked wonders (arrows point to the "tools"). We nearly had a knock-down-drag-out fight over who gets to use the 'tools' vs.who holds the bag for the garbage.  The boys started cleaning up nature too (pine cones, pine needles, sand, sticks) because anything you can pick up on a grabber on a stick, well that's just cool.

So as far as this week, not that I post much anyway, I am working hard as a den leader at my son's Cub Scout day camp. More fascinating is that there are 3 boys (including my son) with Asperger's Syndrome. One is more social, more outgoing, no gaze issues but more obsessive-compulsive and attention problems. The other is more like my son. I paired my son with A, and this boy is truly a special child. I made certain to tell his mother (and his grandfather who was our token male for half the week), I ended up triple buddying these two with the other child with Asperger's (the one more like my son). A is an angel. He knows just how to get these two engaged. They laugh & play while swimming. A makes sure the other 2 don't wander off & keep up with the den. A knows how to make them laugh. Both my son and child #2 have become more social. Son & child #2 have been more verbal. Son & Child #2 now sit with the group for Lunch (with A between them). Most interesting by the 2nd day, Child #2 & my son both started volunteering for activities. Child #2 got a bulls eye in archery yesterday. My son scored a bullseye today. Child #2 has improved in BB shooting, and my son qualified as an "expert marksman" by score. I proudly told Child#2 how much her son has changed. I told her he's started volunteering for events (this morning he proudly held the flag for opening ceremonies) and he is generally always smiling. Mom was happy and turned to see her son smiling and trying to patiently wait to tell her all about his day. It turns out that A goes to school with child #2. A has been an angel in disguise for child #2 in the past.  Knowing exactly what she goes through, I knew how much the comments about her son's verbal volunteering, positive attitude and awesome social skills development would mean to her.

The best comment from A's mom was, you know I always knew he was a special child. He was just born that way. I told her A was born with a halo on his head.  Thanks for stopping by..

Some things just can't be hidden...

When you first glance at my son, he appears to be a normal, neurotypical almost 8 year old boy. If you see him on the playground or in the classroom, at first he seems just like everyone else. Watch the playground for a longer period of time and you can often see some of his social deficits. Often boys play made up games, and my son can make up games with the best of them. However, often the rules change during play. While the neurotypical boys can roll with the punches, my literal, concrete, rule-boy cannot. This leads to frustration, and unfortunately sometimes tears or even anger (usually self-directed as he is frustrated that he just doesn't get it).  In the classroom, he usually doesn't get the jokes or the play on words, but he knows it's supposed to be funny so he just laughs like the rest of the class. (Similar to the why Eat Mor Chikn is funny post). 

My son has significant issues with expressive communication. While my son's buddy J can go home and tell of the day's adventures in details, I have to drag out the day's events from my son.  He's not the world's greatest storyteller either. This was painfully obvious during second grade writing journal. It was a constant battle with is 1:1 aide. Now even though his IEP clearly stated that they could & should offer alternatives for writing assignments (such as drawing pictures, cartoons or making dioramas) they never did. But they DID complain on how he would "ignore" them, not look them in the eye (well DUH! He has Apserger's Disorder--this is one of the hallmark traits of kids on the spectrum), so they decided he was refusing to work.

Oh yeah, I can't WAIT to see is 4th quarter report card. It should be an entertaining & interesting read!

Now while my son often subconsciously hides many of his Asperger's traits (he has even learned to fake looking people in their eye by looking at their chin), he absolutely cannot hide his sensory issues.

The ONE thing that the advocate observed when she did a classroom visit was his sensory issues. If he was frustrated or anxious the foot would tap or the pencil would be tapping on his desk. He would wiggle to reset his internal mechanisms. Or he'd stretch. He seemed a bit fidgety to her, but not hard to engage with the right technique. (Which reminds me why is it so awful if a child learns better through practical applications of studies or through play?  Someone please explain this enigma to me.)

He started art therapy a few weeks ago. He so loves art, that he had no reservations about going into her studio without me. In fact if his therapist & I chat for a few minutes before starting he gets anxious and antsy. When he works on his creations, he is more talkative. Still with his pragmatic deficits, and often a one sided conversation, but he'll at least attempt to express himself verbally while being creative.  But once the air conditioning kicks in, he jumps & she can see a change.  If the sun moves and the shadows change, he notices. If a loud car drives by her home (a rarity) he notices.  When she changed the seat cushion, he noticed. She changed brands of clay, and boy did he notice the change in texture. As my Mr. Touchy McToucherson loves to touch EVERYTHING, he does rather well with clay.

Now since my son seeks visual input, but has sound aversion, fireworks are always a real treat. He can't handle the noise, but loves the sparkly lights in the night sky.  He is touch seeking with his hands, but oversensitive everywhere else so ear plugs are very uncomfortable for him. (Sheesh, he has a hard time swimming the backstroke as he hates how the cool water feels in his ears. He is considering the ear plugs because he is motivated to pass to the next level) Last year's solution? We watched the NY fireworks on TV. We don't have a large screen TV but is large enough to get a decent view, and often they play music in the background. Plus instead of the loud vibrating BOOM! POW! of live fireworks, it's more of a pop & crack in TV land.

Unfortunately his "friends" have started to notice his sensory differences. And like some 7 and 8 year olds they feel obliged to comment and question. My son does not want to be different. And this has caused some power struggles in school with the resource room teacher and his 1:1 aide.  Even they forget he is different and have labeled him as difficult.

I wish I could do more to help my son. But I don't even know if what I am doing is right, never mind the fact that I know that I am doing the best that I can with the options that are available.

I don't want to change my son's neurobiology, but I wish I could help him to accept his own idiosyncrasies, perhaps his friends might be more likely to accept and embrace his differences, because after all he is more same than he is different.

Almost Wordless Wednesday Part 2...

Yesterday I wrote about how animals make a huge difference in my son with Asperger's life. Last fall, an agency we work with suggested that we try therapeutic horseback riding. I was intrigued by what I read about the multitude of benefits & transformations from therapeutic riding but I was apprehensive. Two months prior my son went to a classmate's birthday party on a horse farm. It was a miracle we got my son to touch the horse, and 45 minutes to get him to sit on a horse. As soon as the horse moved, he wanted off. It was too overstimulating for him. But I figured it can't hurt to try...

I prepared him for his first visit, well sort of. I got the call at 2:00, my son got out of school at 3:15, and we had to be at the farm by 5:00.  Well at least he didn't have too much time to dwell or overthink it.  I had explained to the manager our previous horse experience. Much to my surprise and delight, my son hopped right on. At first he had a leader (someone who leads the horse) and a sidewalker (a volunteer who walks on the side of the rider, keeping contact to ensure the child is stable & doesn't fall off).  Soon he graduated to riding only with a leader. Of course one time he did fall off--into a plastic garbage can. He was so excited playing a game he didn't realize how far off the horse he leaned.  He popped up laughing--he wasn't hurt but he did think it was funny!

We only have 2 sessions left. I cannot afford to continue and the agency can no longer fund the sessions.  Seven months after he started, he can now ride alone and even trot the horse alone. This is a picture of him riding Leonard, a 12-year old Belgium Draft Gelding.  Little Boy Blue has certainly come a long way...
not only in his riding skill but his overall confidence in himself. And that is worth more than anything else.

Almost wordless Wednesday...part 1

Sometimes all you need is a cardboard box to have fun. This is what I woke up to after my Mother's Day nap.  See this post if you want to know why I so desperately needed a nap on Mother's Day.

My son climed in the box, added Roxie the dog & my mom pushed them around. His laughter & the dog barking is what woke me up...

Why dogs have been the greatest therapy yet...

The only other 'therapeutic intervention' that worked as well as the dogs is the recent addition of Art Therapy--my son LOVES being creative and is doing so well & is so comfortable it's hard for the therapist to see his Asperger's traits (other than sensory processing disorder).  On to the pet therapy..

My son had been begging for a dog for quite some time. We had a few Betta fish & gold fish over the years. My sister has 2 dogs that my son adores (except the one that bites his ankles). My son adores my cousin's police-academy-reject German Shepherd. Several of our neighbors had dogs. So one hot April morning we were out and about and spontaneously I asked my son if he wanted to take a trip to the county animal shelter. (Of course the answer was a resounding yet). I called to get directions from our location and their hours. When we arrived several of the dogs were out at a PetSmart adoption fair.  There were some large dogs and some loud dogs (neither appropriate for condo/apartment living).  The dog we found on the shelter's petfinder website was no longer considered suitable for adoption due to illness. My son was disappointed.  The one mid sized dog was very strong and didn't seem right for us.  The staff knew of a couple of dogs that were out at the adoption fair. The young girl helping us didn't know who had been adopted and who would be coming back. Even though it was close to closing time, they offered to allow us to wait until the adoption van returned.

So we waited. My son checked out the cats. I reminded him that I am highly allergic to cats so that would be a really bad idea.

And we waited. Another tech came out and looked us over, she thought that one of the dogs would be perfect for us. She just knew. Even though she had just been returned by another family the other day, the management felt that an unsupervised toddler was the problem, not the dog.

Then the van arrived.  The tech excitedly came back and said that the Puggle was still available.  What on earth is a Puggle? She explained that a Puggle was a Pug-Beagle mixed breed. Small to medium sized. Lots of energy. And then I saw her, tail between her legs. She looked a little sad. We were told her name is Laurelei. The volunteer walked the dog over, and my son turned around. It was love at first sight. The Puggle's tail started wagging and she looked like she was smiling. The techs took us into the adoption room.

She said they had her as a stray. They weren't sure but they couldn't get her to play.  She brought a tennis ball in.  I sat on the couch. My son stood up. The dog in the middle. My son bounced the ball. The dog jumped up happily and snagged the ball and jumped in my lap. I tossed the ball back to my son and the cycle repeated.  My son giggled pure joy. The dog wagged her tail like there was no tumorrow.

The shelter tech looked at me and said, "I'm really sorry, but it seems that you have been adopted." My son's face lit up.

It all happened so fast. They found a collar & leash and a kennel so we could safely take her in the car. I filled out the paperwork. My son sat with the dog. And then she was ours... After we put the kennel in the back seat, my son said she looked uncomfortable. So he put his PRIZED favorite baby blanket in the cage with her. (Now that was a surprise!)

My son excitedly called my mom to tell her. Mom asked to speak to me, "Are you freeking crazy?!?" I told her wait and see. We met her at Petco (we had nothing for the dog). She took one look at my son's face and the dog's face, shook her head and said "Okay I see what you mean." Mom-dar at work, my gut told me this was a wonderful thing. Then my son said "Oh, and her name is Roxie."

Now it wasn't always rainbows & sunshine. This dog caused a few severe panic attacks in my son, like when she got off the leash & tried to go swimming in my mom's in ground pool. Or when she shredded my son's stuffed animal. But it's been much more good than bad. Even school called to find out what changed at home because my son was so different in school.  He woke me up at 6AM so we could walk the dog in our PJ's. Took responsibility to make sure she had food & water.  He even started writing her name on his homework & classwork pages instead of his own. His happiness increased 100 fold.

Coming over to help walk Roxie in the morning while I got ready for work & my son got ready for school became a therapeutic routine for my mother. She had something to look forward to each morning. (a huge breakthrough for my mom since she was totally devastated by losing my father in 2008) And Roxie loved to walk with her. My mom even said that walking Roxie helped with her anxiety & sadness.

Then my son started saying that I needed a small dog to carry in my purse. (Have no idea where that came from.) It was a joke between us. Since Roxie was "his" dog, I needed a dog too.  Whatever. We live in a small 2BR condo.  Flash Forward to August 2009...

We had to go to the pet store to get more food. A local rescue group was outside with dogs & cats for adoption. Of course we had to check them out. We found Oscar, the one eyed Chihuahua.  It was the end of the day and I was asked if I'd be willing to foster Oscar for a couple of weeks until the rescue had another adoption fair. Since our Roxie was adopted from the county animal shelter (and they have strict standards) and I was able to give a vet reference, the rescue manager gave us the go ahead. Oh boy. The timid Chihuahua was excited. They loaned us a cage and off we went. Roixe had no problem with Oscar, though she is more playful than he.  Unfortunately Oscar develped kennel cough and started losing weight. The rescue gave us medication, advice on how to get him to eat. We confirmed with our vet that Roxie was not at risk since she had her vaccine several months ago. Poor Oscar couldn't walk more than a few feet without coughing up a storm. My son was heartbroken at his suffering. He made sure Oscar had all he needed. He carefully carried him so he wouldn't have to walk so far to go to the bathroom. Comforted him after he needed a fluid bolus for mild dehydration. We kept him 5 weeks as a foster and it was time.  Oscar was now healthy. We decided to keep him but we had to bring both dogs so the rescue could see that they got along. 

It was funny when we broke down the rescue cage, Oscar dragged his bed on top of the cage as if to say "please don't make me leave".  The rescue was impressed not only how well the dogs got along, but how friendly Oscar turned out to be. (Most chihuahua's don't like children & are one-person dogs)

Since Roxie is younger & more energetic, she is great to run around the block with. Oscar is more of a couch potato. So my son started to read to Oscar. And Oscar would just lay there with his head on my son's shoulder and listen.  My son's reading skills advanced by more than a grade level.  Oscar is good to lay on my son's lap or snuggle in bed with him. Roxie has lots of energy. She is great to play fetch with and just be silly together. The physical therapist even "prescribed" that my son has to play tug-of-war with Roxie to increase his core strength.

From these dogs my son has made many gains. He has increased his empathy and sympathy. He has learned to be more patient and tolerant. He has learned to share better. He beams with pride when classmates get excited over his dogs when I pick him up from school.  He understands now that it is okay for them to pet the dog, because Roxie loves him and they are going home together.  His mood has been much brighter. His outlook has broadened.  It's kind of funny when my son lays on the dog bed with Roxie and shows her the games he is playing on his netbook.

In turn the dogs seem to watch out for my son, we jokingly call them the muttly crew. This year as a "Christmas Present" we purchased passes for the county off-leash dog park. (see photo at right). My son gets excited to watch Roxie run full speed trying to race the big dogs. (She usually tires them out & wins. Her only "loss" was to a greyhound & a Great Dane.) My son cracks up trying to get Oscar to run after him. He thinks it's hilarious that Oscar walks around trying to get someone to pick him up & carry him rather than exercise.  Oscar has taken to following my son around lately.  My son asks why, I tell him it's because he tastes like chicken. (And my son eats A LOT of chicken).  Oscar's tail starts wagging when I say "Bed time, Blue".  He follows my son upstairs so he can snuggle in my son's bed.  Sometimes my son is cranky and doesn't want to be bothered, but he usually softens when the dog starts following him. He realizes that the dogs love him no matter what.

At school, his 1:1 age has realized that if my son gets writer's block then ask him about his animals.  Unfortunately he is rather obsessive about his dogs & animals in general.  More unfortunately the aide has decided she's tired of hearing about the animals so she tries to steer him away from writing/talking about the dogs. Which then causes my son to be more likely to shut down & start ignoring staff and by default no work gets done.

My son is proud of his dogs. He loves when people stop us on walks to ask about them.  He is much better at letting others check out the dogs & pet them.  He has a few books about Puggles & Chihuaha's so he can learn as much as he can.  He loves watching Dogs 101 on The Animal Planet. I think he's watched the episode on designer dogs 100 times!  He likes to collect items to donate to the rescue group and the county animal shelter. (It helps that the mom of one of his Cub Scout buddies is the manager at the county animal shelter.)  Even if he goes into a situation where he would be overwhelmed, if there is a dog in sight all is well. Having these dogs has helped with some of his social skill deficits--the dogs are an opening to meet and talk with new people. Both are cute (if I do say so myself) so they often attract attention.  They are good sensory tools since they are warm, weighted, and really soft. My son has learned more about responsibility and empathy. He has even started 'preparing' the dogs for vet visits (reminding them when we are going, what will happen and that it will all be okay).

While he has shut down & ignored teachers & other therapists. He always makes time for the dogs. He laughs a lot more because of the dogs. He talks more because of the dogs (even if it is about the dogs).  He has drastically improved is reading out loud. (The dogs don't criticize they just love him & (usually) listen.) The dogs have even helped my mom to heal a bit from my dad's suffering & dying. (I strongly suspect that she has had many conversations with Roxie, but Roxie won't tell me what she has said. :) 

The fine line, my fear..

There is a fine line between preparing my son for upcoming events & feeding into his obsessions.  My son really wants braces. He has an urgent orthodontist appointment that I have to pick him up from school early for this afternoon.  All morning long my son was obsessed wit what he would be doing at 1:30 today. I'm afraid he'll be so obsessed with going to the orthodontist that he won't do any work in school.  I warned him that I would CANCEL the appointment if he didn't have any work done by the time I picked him up.  Fortunately he knows that I follow through.  I have to pick him up in a few minutes so we shall see...

I guess my son is really my son as from the time I was 7 1/2 I really wanted braces too. I'd even make my own out of tin foil.  I didn't want them so much when I got my early intervention braces at age 8. I REALLY didn't want them any more when I got a palatal expander & braces at age 11.  He has no idea what he is in for.  Sorry dude, you got my teeth and it seems most of the orthodontal problems of the rest of our family. 

My try at a not-so-Wordless Wednesday post..

So I have a few words. Been rough lately, but then I look at my pictures, and it feels better. We took a hike at the local county park & Little Boy Blue was walking ahead with my aunt.  I get to the beach at the end of the trail and look what I found. My son had decided that Crocs were meant to be in the water. My cousin's German Shepherd wanted to join in the fun too. So pure bliss as my son swam out neck deep playing tag & fetch with a German Shepherd that easily has 30+ pounds on him. When I asked him what he was doing he said "It's okay Mom, I'm a swimmer now" Guess all those lessons at the YMCA have paid off in nothing else but personal confidence. :)

He was a bit wet when he got out, but he was so happy.

With an enticing view like this, who could blame him?

It's looking at pictures like this that make life seem a little less demanding & stressful. Good memories are therapuetic.